The Omnibus

Issue date: 10/21/04 Section: The Gallery

Comment on this article

On the evening of Oct. 31, the last Sunday of the month, our peaceful, quiet, friendly town of Bolivar will undergo a transformation. Children, dressed up as characters representative of the occult, will be out on a gluttonous rampage. Heathens will be wandering the streets throwing rotten eggs at cars and leaving flaming bags of poo on doorsteps. Greedy little scavengers will be going door-to-door collecting lumps and mounds of sugar products that they will later use in a massive tooth-rotting feed fest. Now, when I look down at my wrist which faithfully sports a "WWJD" bracelet, I can only think to myself, "What would Jesus do on Halloween in Bolivar?"

In keeping with the tradition of Christians in need of a continual alternative to the ever popular "secular" world, I have conjured up some fun ways to make your neighborhood witches, ghosts and goblins wish they had dressed up like King Solomon, Noah or Methuselah.

As a Christian, I believe there are only two obvious solutions to ward off the evil of Halloween.

Solution number one: A "Harvest Party." Kids will be totally fooled into believing this kind of party is no different from any other Halloween party. They will have the opportunity to play games, eat candy (low-fat of course) and fellowship with one another in a safe environment. Please note that in order for a Harvest Party to be an effective witnessing tool, the event must take place in a church gymnasium.

For Solution number two, I offer you a less mild alternative. This includes straight-up, in-your-face Satan, Bible verses on candy wrappers to get your unchurched friends saved.

Also included here is a Halloween night kind-of-party which we will call "Hallelujah Night." Churching it up a notch, this alternative takes the Harvest Party to a new level. Branching away from the church gym, this party will allow room for a bit more creativity. Often taking place in a residential home, the party gives you the opportunity to - not only to witness to your friends that you invite over - but to share God's love to children off the street that you can lure inside with bribes of kool-aid, fruit trays, tracts and smiley face bookmarks that say "Jesus Loves You!" This can be done by making your house appear like any other house on Halloween night. Make sure you leave the front porch light on, sit on a chair out front, and look ready to hand out lots of candy. Instead of playing spooky music on your porch, you can play Christian spooky music. A suggestion, and my personal favorite, would have to be Carman's 1995 hit from his "R.I.O.T." album, "No Monsters." The combination of spooky sounds and church oriented lyrics make this the perfect song for such an occasion. You can set this song on repeat and keep the kids coming in for hours like lambs to the slaughter.

Once inside, put on a scary movie and let the fun begin. "But wait," you say, "Christians shouldn't watch scary movies!" Contrary to popular belief, Christians can watch scary movies, but only when they are Christian scary movies. Classics like the "Thief in the Night" series are perfect for this. Also, showing the crucifiction scene from "The Passion of the Christ" could be the ideal way to show "Friday the 13th" film buffs that Christians have "slasher" movies too. If you play your cards right (without gambling of course), you just might literally scare the "Hell" out of someone this Halloween!

Article Tools